Sorry it’s been so long between missives.
I’ve been practicing that ‘non-striving’ I wrote of, pretty vigorously.
My reading has diverged sharply from the philosophical but my YouTube viewing has picked up the slack. Natalie Wynn aka Contrapoints is the ex Philosophy academic turned comedian + performance + video artist + Breadtube pundit who became my first full blown parasocial crush. Melbourne’s Orwellian lockdown conditions provide fertile hours for my growing obsession and I’m really beginning to see why so many youths turn to YouTube for educational content. As Stephen Colbert once said “others will read the news to you, but I will feel the news at you” and the confluence of loving the style with which a creator expresses themselves as much the substance of what they’re saying is truly compelling. The seductive ease of having complex topics masticated, peppered with jokes and fed to me by an aesthete and wit so brilliant she is routinely compared to Oscar Wilde has been decadent indeed.
I became aware of Contrapoints by listening to The Rabbit Hole a New York Times audio series recanting a disaffected young American’s YouTube algorithm fuelled descent into far right politics. Contrapoints was only mentioned in passing as a heroine of the left, willing to engage with and provide alternative views to the alarmingly large communities forming around the platforms Alt Right pundits.
In ‘I used to be AltRight’ reddit threads claiming Contrapoints played a critical role in your conversion has become cliche. As a transwoman creating content for a notoriously bigoted and troll dense demographic, there is a real personal risk involved in the important work Contrapoints is doing.
The video below is a meditation on the alchemical process of turning the darkest and most base aspects of life into comedy gold. It’s also the first response by a transperson to Ricky Gervaise’s trans jokes I’ve ever been privy to, so even if we differ and you don’t feel compelled to consume every single videos she ever posted afterward - its well worth the watch.
Another brilliant woman who has made a career out of sharing her most vulnerable and painful experiences is Maria Bamford - a veteran comedian who's Netflix stand-up special, Weakness is the Brand encapsulates Bamford’s ingeniously off kilter way of weaving jokes out of stories about her anxiety, depression, O.C.D. and stints at inpatient psychiatric units.
My first encounter with Maria Bamford’s comedy stylings was also via YouTube in her 2007 web series The Maria Bamford Show. She sings her own intro song explaining how after suffering a nervous breakdown she now lives with her parents in Duluth, Minnesota. Bamford seemed then a comics comic, someone who was able to turn their mental health issues into schtick - to a point. In the first episode of the short lived series she describes herself as a “marginally successful comedian” who never got her own show. Since the finale of the series Bamford has released multiple comedy albums, appeared in Season 3 of Arrested Development and even got two seasons of her own Netflix show “Lady Dynamite,” another foray into the mental illness recovery of a fictionalised version of herself.She jokes in the opening moments of her show “I’m a female comedian over 40 who is clearly sun damaged. I can’t believe anyone gave me a show.” Not that I think it was a savvy marketing strategy but Bamford is living proof that by embracing vulnerability and ‘weakness’ she has built an incredibly robust career.
Certainly! Drawing on the dark comedy styles of Contrapoints (Natalie Wynn) and Maria Bamford, we can explore how their approaches to humour might inform the ethical use of humour in therapy. Both comedians use dark, self-deprecating, and often absurd humour to tackle heavy topics like mental illness, identity, and societal norms. Their work provides rich examples of how humour can illuminate difficult truths while maintaining a connection with the audience—or, in the case of therapy, the client.
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### **Contrapoints: Intellectual Absurdity and Nuanced Provocation**
Contrapoints often uses dark, satirical humour to explore complex issues like gender identity, politics, and existential dread. Her style is intellectual yet absurd, blending highbrow references with over-the-top theatrics. For example, in her video *"Shame,"* she uses dark humour to dissect the experience of internalised shame, dressing as a lobster (a nod to Jordan Peterson’s infamous lobster hierarchy) while discussing the crushing weight of societal expectations. The humour here is provocative but deeply empathetic, inviting the audience to laugh at the absurdity of their own struggles without feeling mocked.
**Therapeutic Application:**
- **Reframing Shame:** A therapist might use similarly absurd, exaggerated humour to help a client reframe their feelings of shame. For instance, if a client feels ashamed about a perceived failure, the therapist might jokingly compare it to something ludicrously disproportionate, like "failing to win an Olympic gold medal in a sport you’ve never played." This could help the client see their self-criticism in a new, less harsh light.
- **Ethical Consideration:** However, the therapist must ensure the client feels in on the joke, not the target of it. The humour should be collaborative, not dismissive.
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### **Maria Bamford: Vulnerability and Self-Deprecation**
Maria Bamford’s comedy is deeply personal, often drawing on her own experiences with mental illness, OCD, and bipolar disorder. Her humour is self-deprecating but never self-pitying, and she uses it to create a sense of solidarity with her audience. In her Netflix special *"Old Baby,"* she jokes about her psychiatric hospitalisation, saying, "I’m not saying I’m better than anyone, but I’ve been to the mental hospital *twice*." This kind of humour normalises her struggles while inviting the audience to laugh with her, not at her.
**Therapeutic Application:**
- **Normalising Struggles:** A therapist might use self-deprecating humour to normalise a client’s experiences, particularly around mental health. For example, if a client feels isolated because of their anxiety, the therapist might share a lighthearted, exaggerated story about their own anxiety, like, "I once Googled 'can you die from forgetting to water a plant?'—turns out, no, but the plant didn’t make it." This can help the client feel less alone.
- **Ethical Consideration:** The therapist must ensure that their self-deprecation doesn’t overshadow the client’s needs or make the session about them. The focus should always remain on the client.
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### **Dark Humour as a Coping Mechanism**
Both Contrapoints and Bamford use dark humour to cope with and critique the often bleak realities of life. Contrapoints’ video *"Envy"* explores the corrosive nature of envy through a darkly comedic lens, while Bamford’s stand-up often includes jokes about suicidal ideation and therapy itself. For example, Bamford quips, "I told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts, and she said, 'Maria, you’re not a character in a Wes Anderson movie.'"
**Therapeutic Application:**
- **Building Resilience:** For clients who use dark humour as a coping mechanism, a therapist might cautiously mirror this style to build rapport. For instance, if a client jokes about their depression, the therapist might respond with a similarly dark but affirming comment, like, "Well, at least your sense of humour is still kicking—depression hasn’t taken *everything* from you."
- **Ethical Consideration:** The therapist must be attuned to the client’s emotional state. If the client’s humour seems to mask deeper pain, the therapist should gently explore this rather than simply joining in the laughter.
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### **Cultural Sensitivity and Timing**
Both comedians are acutely aware of their audience and tailor their humour accordingly. Contrapoints’ videos are dense with cultural references, while Bamford’s comedy often reflects her Midwestern upbringing and the quirks of her family. Their ability to read the room—or the internet—ensures their humour lands without causing unintended harm.
**Therapeutic Application:**
- **Cultural Context:** A therapist using humour must consider the client’s cultural background and personal history. For example, a joke about family dynamics might resonate with one client but alienate another. The therapist should always test the waters with subtle, light humour before diving into darker territory.
- **Timing and Tone:** Humour should be introduced when the therapeutic relationship is strong and the client is in a stable emotional state. A poorly timed joke about trauma, for instance, could retraumatise the client.
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### **When Humour Goes Wrong**
Even the best comedians occasionally misjudge their audience. Contrapoints has faced criticism for jokes that some viewers found alienating, while Bamford has acknowledged that her humour can sometimes be too intense for certain audiences. These moments highlight the risks of using humour in therapy.
**Therapeutic Application:**
- **Repairing Missteps:** If a therapist’s joke falls flat or offends the client, it’s crucial to address the misstep immediately. The therapist should apologise, explore the client’s feelings, and reflect on what went wrong. This can even strengthen the therapeutic relationship by modelling accountability.
- **Ethical Consideration:** Humour should never be used to deflect or avoid addressing serious issues. If a client shares something deeply painful, responding with a joke—no matter how well-intentioned—can feel dismissive.
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### **Conclusion**
The dark comedy of Contrapoints and Maria Bamford offers valuable insights into the ethical use of humour in therapy. Their ability to tackle heavy topics with wit, vulnerability, and cultural awareness demonstrates how humour can foster connection and resilience. However, therapists must tread carefully, ensuring their humour is client-centred, culturally sensitive, and aligned with therapeutic goals. Like a well-timed punchline, the use of humour in therapy requires precision, empathy, and a deep understanding of the audience—or in this case, the client.